Why I Refuse to Leave the Church

\In all the conversations about people leaving the church, I wrote up my own response until I realized that I was writing the wrong paper. I should instead be writing about why I refuse to leave the church. After all, I am a millennial (born in 1988) and I haven’t stopped going to church. In fact, I am vacillating between two churches right now (one being a UU-congregation, and the other being Presbyterian). For many in my age group, the unaffiliated and the non-religious are on the rise. What makes me stay? There are at least a couple of answers. 1. Christianity runs deep in my identity. Honestly, this sounds weird, but my favorite thing to do in church is to think of the Christian symbols (hymns, creeds, sermon, Scriptures, wherever) and the multiple ways in which one can interpret them (perhaps unsurprisingly, I’ve graduated from seminary). The Christian symbols are the ones that have deep resonance with me. I may not interpret them literally (by that I mean ontologically), and I may not interpret them in ways that many others do, but I nonetheless find myself attracted to them. Even in my firm rejection of some of them (like the idea of God-as-entity), I am still very drawn to them. I keep coming back around to them. I find myself reflecting deeply about the universe, myself, the universe-in-myself, and myself-in-the-universe through these beautiful and rich and potent symbols of Christianity. 2. I want a community of faith. In today’s technological age, there are many possible communities to choose from. Even now, I am in book clubs, meet up groups, dating websites, and have a full calendar list of arts events (dancing, orchestra, theater, etc.) The sheer number of others that I could do is mind-boggling. But I have found that however much I care about justice, and however much I care about biking or reading or philosophy or other interests, I feel a need for a community oriented around faith and specifically the Christian faith. Having friends is nice; doing activities to get me out of the apartment is nice. No doubts about it. But I don’t need more friends, and honestly I don’t need more activities either. I plan myself quite full by myself. What I want is to go deep, and specifically, to go deep with others. Sure, depth can be accomplished in random conversations in between billards games with the recent college grads meetup group (as happened last week). But there is something almost easier in a faith community setting. This is why I love my spirituality group (at my UU church). This is why I love my Christian church. When we all come together, we come together specifically because we want to go deeply into our religious heritage, our spirituality, our religious narrative. This depth is intense. Sometimes it produces a lot of pain. Sometimes it is frustrating. Any worthwhile community is. But without a community of faith, I doubt my ability to find that type of deep community, and I find my investment in church to be worth the risk. At any rate, I don’t think it would be as likely to occur in a non-faith community. 3. I want spiritual and personal depth. Becoming good at something requires discipline, and gaining depth of one’s whole self is no different. Having a religion where I experience God in the sunset or the ocean is cool, and I certainly do, but it’s easy. Unless I have accountability, and unless I am being continually challenged by others (either with their ideas, their ways of having faith, their ways of experiencing the divine, or their actions that provoke reflection in me), all of which have happened to me in previous communities of faith, then I’ll be honest and say that my spiritual and personal life is going to be undernourished. Like I said before, community’s tough. But community can be worth the pain and the annoyances. I don’t believe we are individualistic creatures, and so I want the depth and discipline and new ideas by being active within a faith community. Narcissism may be easier, and maybe there is a time for that. But now is not that time for me.